Veronica Ponce: There Is A Time For Letting Go

The hard thing is knowing when that time is.

There's a timeless quote that says, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." How true.

It's like we hold on to moments, memories, feelings, or even people so tightly. We think that the tighter we pull those things to our chest, the less likely they are to slip away -- the more they become ours. And if we take an even firmer hold, they are ours to keep indefinitely. If we do everything right, just perfectly right, then everything will be how it's supposed to be. We formulate plans and envision outcomes. We manipulate circumstances. We conceive scenarios. We think we're in control. But holding on to something... to anything... is like holding sand. Sure you can keep some of it for a little while, but not all of it. Eventually the sand finds a way out through the gaps in our fingers.

And just like that, the things and people we love can be gone too -- slipping through the gaps of our inadequate efforts and unavailing declarations.

I heard this quote the other day, "When anything becomes everything, it very quickly becomes nothing." Isn't that just so true? There is nothing permanent in this life and therefore nothing that we can wage all our bets on. Everything changes. People come and go and the world doesn't seem to notice. I can almost see the scene in my head played out. A busy street, people hustling on their way somewhere insignificant, completely oblivious to the fact that something has changed within us. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever looked around at people and thought, "Why don't they get it?" It feels so lonely in that place. It's that self-centered place that each of us cowers to when we feel defeated. Where we close our eyes to reality and envision the world, not as it really is, but as it is from our perspective. When did we become the center of the world? When did we become the standard for justice that gives us a right to say, "it's not fair." Do we think we are the sun and that the entire universe has to revolve around us?

Some things have to be released in order to go away -- things like resentments and disappointments that find harbor within our psyche and cause more damage to us than to the proprietors of the deed; or the times people have let us down or hurt us; or maybe even the guilt or shame we feel because we have done the same to others. I have hurt many people. Some of them don't even know it. But for every injury I've ever caused, whether deliberately or unintentionally, maliciously or innocently, I have made an excuse for it in my little mind and eventually I have always paid a price. And I have realized that in all circumstances, I would rather be hurt by someone than be the one doing the hurting. It's harder to let go of the things I've done than of the things that have been done to me so I'm trying to make better, more thought out decisions, governed by clarity and answered prayers, rather than with my own wants and desires.

So I'm letting go of all of it now. At least I'm going to try, because I want what God wants for me even if what God wants for me is not what I want. I'm letting go of the things I can't change, the people I can't keep and the life I can't plan. And yet something in me tells me it's still going to turn out the way it's supposed to be.

Comments

Ya hace un año que escribiste este mensaje. Y deseo lo mejor para ti y mucha felicidad.

God bless you always!

Posted by: Glory | September 22, 2011 at 03:18 PM

You have moved me with your profound thoughts and perfect words.
Thank you for the clarity and for the tears and for sharing such a vulnerable part of your life with me.
I wish you well.

Posted by: Mary Jo | March 21, 2011 at 10:53 PM