In everyone's life there are inevitable changes. The more time passes, the more we realize how true this is. I have said this before but every day I feel stronger that our planning is sometimes pointless. Every relationship in your life will undergo some kind of evolution. Every situation you encounter will transform itself into its ultimate truth.
So what do we do? We wake up each morning, determined to live life as normal as possible. We go about our routines, deal with the same people, and ultimately end up believing that we are justified in everything we do because at the end of the day, our world really does revolve around us. Or does it?
How do we control the outcome of situations that seem so out of our grasp? Is there any way to really "get a grip?" Each day we will meet new people, be presented with new situations/opportunities...and ultimately we will go to bed at night justified in our futile deeds...believing that somehow our circumstance is different from everyone else's. But when you lay your head on the pillow at night -- do you really believe that? Do you really think that somehow you have complete control over anything?
For so many years of my life, I did. I thought that I was the ultimate decision-maker and that every outcome was controllable. I believed that everything was a direct consequence of some previous choice that I made and that I could determine the end result in any given situation.
But oh what a lesson I've learned. What I think or do doesn't really matter most of the time. People react in individual bubbles to individual circumstances at individual times for individual outcomes. So what I do can only affect me. Ultimately this is probably the only way to operate. We live to serve God. I really do believe that. Yet I fail at it almost everyday. Why?
Why do I believe that I can make a difference or that I am even different for that matter? Yes, I am unique. Yes, God made me for a reason. Yes, I believe His plan will ultimately succeed no matter what I do, think, say or feel. But just like you, I wake up each morning thinking that in some way I can control or change reality. And in little everyday ways, I do.
Yet, there is an unmistakable truth about the evolution of relationships. Every single one of them. Be it a parent/child, husband/wife, friend/friend or any extension of any of these. Each person you encounter will draw his or her own conclusions and make his or her own choices no matter what you tell them or advise them or teach them. We live individual moments and although we know there is one ultimate truth, we struggle with the reality of our sin and our humanity in the simple tasks of our monotonous days.
I don't care how much money you have or how exciting your life is. If you have come face to face with another human being, you have been a part of the inevitable transition of the world and in some way, the transitions are shaping you. You will ultimately become who you are supposed to be even if the process is painful and rooted in the very things you most despise. It doesn't matter.
With today's growing fears about the economy, politics, religion and God knows what else...we are all just seedlings in creation's ultimate finality. And what that means is as illusive to you as it is to me.
We will be born. We will grow up in different families. Many of us will fall in (and even out) of love. We will procreate. We will go about our days with an inconclusive and unfulfilled desire to be different. We will somehow believe that we are different. We will love, we will lose, we will cry, we will laugh, and we will fool ourselves into believing that we have control. But any control that we hold on to will only serve to further separate us from our Creator who, ultimately, wants to live in us and mold our lives according to His plan. It is this constant struggle within our being that forms the basis for our choices. When your spirit guides you one way, your soul another, and your flesh another...which way do you turn? What voice do you listen to?
I have been such a control freak for so long. But I have learned, in such a painful way, that we are all vulnerable to our humanity. Our pain is not unique, our situations aren't unique, so throwing a pity party will only get you so far. Depression, sadness, anger, hurt, frustration and even love are all emotions that have been experienced by generations before us. There is no unique moment...it has all been lived before. The sooner we recognize this, the easier life becomes.
Dealing with emotions is one of the hardest challenges we will face on this earth because our hearts and our flesh will constantly seek to damage and essentially destroy the beings we were created to be. But listen to me...don't let it happen. Fight the changes. It won't be easy. You will struggle and you will fail and you will try to pick yourself up again time and time again. But relish those moments. Take them for what they are-- learning experiences. Each step in this seemingly endless walk will take you one step closer to your ultimate reality which is to live alongside, and experience the ultimate thrill, of being in the presence of God.
I do not claim or boast about any intricate knowledge of the divine. I simply use my resources as a guide. In the past few years I have seen such an evolution within the very relationships I value, that I cannot help but wonder how much control I even have in all of this? There comes a point in your life where you tend to think that life begins "today." But that "today" will keep getting pushed further and further away to the point where you won't remember where it begins and how you got there.
It is unmistakable and it is the most human thing about us. Losing control...it's not always a bad thing. Allow yourself to feel things. Delight in your experiences. Rely on God...even when temptation overcomes you and you feel the shadow of sin looming...don't let go. Let God take you through. Love unconditionally. Give all you can to everyone you encounter so that when you are gone, each life you have crossed paths with will have a semblance of you. Remember that each person that passes through will remember you in some way so make sure you present yourself honestly and realistically. Be beautiful. Be ugly. Be true. Fight for the light within you and hold it firmly in front. Let it guide you and if/when you detour...don't waver. Come back to the original plan and surround yourself by people who understand this. Your choices may not change the world and they may not even change your life. But they are yours and no one, no matter what they do or don't do, think or don't think, say or don't say... will ever be able to make those choices for you. It is your life and your experience.
We only get one chance, my friends. That's it. So live fully and dive into every experience. Put your heart on the line because even if it breaks, it's worth it. Am I speaking with some divine knowledge or experience? Probably not. But I have learned in a very short time and in a very hard way, that your feelings, heart, or emotions will deceive you and lead you down very self-centered paths but your devotion to God is what will make you thrive and grow, even in those moments when you feel you have let Him down or that you are not worthy or that you somehow have to "hide" yourself because you aren't "feeling" it with Him. Don't worry. He already knows that.
Believe me...you will fail...many times -- especially when you let your heart guide you. Struggle and fight for the ultimate truth. It exists. And when you go through those dark periods...when you wallow in self-pity...seek those beacons of light that are drawing your attention. Try your hardest to run from the shadows that threaten to overtake you. But if you don't -- if you end up giving in -- don't despair. Don't lose hope. The absence of your hope does not eliminate its existence.
In simple terms...love with all your heart. Do as as Jesus commanded. If you are lucky and you find a partner -- that's great. Cherish it. Give it your all so that if one day the other lets you down you can live with no regrets knowing that you could not have changed the ultimate circumstance. It will happen reciprocally -- but be strong in your doubts. Allow yourself to feel things thoroughly and freely so that you can learn patience, empathy and compassion. These are life lessons that most people must experience to fully understand. Perhaps the greatest lesson of all is forgiveness. That doesn't mean reconciliation but it does mean to let go of the anger/sadness/or hate that pervasively dominate your psyche. Lean on love. Delight in it. It is a gift that is sometimes taken away much too early. But its absence doesn't diminish its power.
Every relationship will change.
Some will grow...some will stagnate.
But they all exist for a reason so pray to God that you find clarity and enlightenment and that you learn to love and to GIVE love as if every day were your wedding day so that if the other lover fails you, you can walk away strong and proud that you served your cause well. You will be rewarded in the long run. The intricacies of life may overcome you...you may feel that you are a failure but fret not. God knows what you're going through and He will get you through it...just sometimes not in the way that you think or hope. Be open to change. Be receptive to new people and relationships. Hold on to your inner core and develop your God-given gifts. Through the pain of life, you will find your way but you must learn patience and perseverance and to have a calm spirit.
I am still learning this so I am far from preaching the perfection of this philosophy. But even when I cannot see it. Even when I cannot feel it. Even when I have strayed or broken it... I believe it and I hope you do, too.
