Engagements and weddings always make me nostalgic and melancholic. I look at young couples with these beautiful bright plans ahead of them and I wish they could foresee the twists and turns that their road together will take. Everyone will say they know this to be true, but like all things in life, it is not until we have walked along those roads that we can really feel or understand how harsh and unexpected or difficult life can turn out to be.
When we first get engaged, or married, or pregnant, or become parents, we somehow believe that our lives will be different than everyone else's and that we will prove everyone wrong by how perfect and "right" we are going to do things. Well, maybe not everyone believes this. But many of us go into these beginning stages of life with fantastical idealisms that, when they fall short of our expectations, leave us feeling empty and bewildered. There is no need for that. Life is not what we want it to be. It just is what it is.
There comes a point where we all realize that no matter how well we think out our actions, plan our futures or decide our destinies, life doesn't always cooperate. If any of you remember the movie "City of Angels" you might remember a particular scene in which Meg Ryan begins to question her role in any of the medical procedures she performs after a patient dies on her operating table. In the movie, her character (Maggie) says, "And after all this time, and after all this work...I suddenly have this feeling that......none of this is in my hands. Nothing. And if it isn't...what do I do with that?" She is speaking with Nicolas Cage's character, Seth, and she tells him, "I couldn't fix him and I did everything right." She begins to wonder if there is a greater force out there steering life and death away from her skilled surgeon's hands. And she begins to feel that somehow in the end, no matter what she does right or wrong, the ultimate decider of life and death is not her. I love that because it's true.
That may just be dialogue in a movie but it is pretty fitting, wouldn't you say? In life, our plans don't mean nearly as much as we think they do. We can't plan for everything, even though we think we can. We pat ourselves on the back when we make "right" decisions and we are ignorantly confident in our finite abilities. But the truth is, things will always happen the way they're supposed to happen no matter what we do or don't do. That doesn't mean that we should sit back idly and wait for things to fall in our lap. I am not suggesting that. We should still pursue our dreams and plan our futures and make our decisions. The bigger picture, however, is that if we try to pursue and accomplish these things on our own, we are more likely to be discouraged when things don't turn out according to our plans. The truth is, our plans and decisions are just our aversions to the things we fear or dislike for our future. But we never really have full control because there are biological, physiological, spiritual and chemical elements that all play a part in every aspect of existence. Before you give yourself too much credit, or come down too hard on yourself, remember Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous words, "God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."
Every situation we encounter is in some way a gift from God. It may not seem like it at the time and if we are not keenly in tune with this principle, we may never realize it and the greater picture may pass us by. Like a swift wind or a sudden surge of adrenaline and emotion that escapes any reason or understanding we can be overwhelmed or bombarded by reality in the blink of an eye when we least expect it. We can succumb to misery, pity and depression if we believe that somehow life has been unfair to us despite our careful planning and deliberate decision-making skills. Too often we fail to understand that there is joy in everything and if we are deliberate in seeking it out, but more importantly, in believing this principle, we will experience the same situations but see them from a different perspective. I am not saying this of my own self-centered accord or from some twisted idealism that I have concocted. This comes straight from God's word. Specifically, it can be found in James 1:2-12 which states:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
This may sound like simplistic theology but in truth it is about the most complicated reality to adhere to in the Christian walk. All too often we succumb to trials as if they were persecutions and we mope about our days believing that somehow we are victims of our circumstances and that we don't "deserve" the things that come to us. But we aren't victims and we don't "deserve" anything -- good or bad. Trials and struggles are also gifts even if we don't think so when we're experiencing them. Yes, some things are true whether or not we believe them. But the world will tell us that it is unfair and we need to seek our happiness and not be martyrs to our surroundings. And that sounds good to us. So often in our most vulnerable state we grab hold of this perverted, distorted and internalized philosophy because it makes us feel justified in our misery. But do not be fooled. When you are most troubled and struggling, that is when God's presence is most strongly felt. "The more we depend on God, the more dependable we find He is" (Cliff Richard). There is no ignorance or shame in sticking with this positive outlook.
It is important that when we are going through any beginning, or metamorphosis, or ending...that we hold fast to God's word. You will find judgment from others, you will encounter persecution and criticism from those around you who may not understand your peace and consider it to be apathy or denial, but remain steadfast and convicted. Don't be ashamed to feel okay or to get better. Don't look so far into the future for the resolution, stick to the present. Live in the moment and experience every opportunity to see God's hand triumph. Because He is there. He always is. Even when we may not want to. Even when we may not feel it in our hearts. God's love doesn't need our approval to be present. It just is. It is potent enough to battle your biggest demons and to carry you through your darkest hours. It holds your hand when you need to be pulled along to make it through the storm, and it holds you up when you are falling. And it will do so each and every time you just have to recognize it. It's not a matter of belief. Some things are true whether or not we believe them. It's a matter of recognizing this truth for what it is. And that is what joy really is. In the end...it has nothing to do with our plans and everything to do with our perspective.
Joy. Pure joy...
