The other day I was at the gym and in between sets I sat back and did some people watching.
I do that a lot.
I don't know if it's a bad habit...I hope people don't notice me staring. But I like to imagine what's going on in people's minds and lives sometimes. I find people fascinating and that's probably why I like photography so much.
Getting a glimpse into someone's mind is so interesting to me -- what makes them tick and why the behave the way they do -- well it's just amazing. I consider myself to be a "pretty" good judge of character. I thank God for one gift he has given me...and that is, seeing what someone can be and not always what they are at that moment. It's almost like I can see someone's potential and what they are capable of becoming and I love that! Sometimes (and please bear with me on this one), but sometimes I actually feel that I can see a person's heart. I love when that happens -- when I notice something that has escaped someone else. It's difficult to explain but I'm sure many of you have had the same experience. The sad part is when you see more potential in a person than they see in themself. How do you get them to see it? Is that even possible?
It's so easy for us to pass judgment sometimes on the things we deem as "right" or "wrong." But ultimately, even people who are doing the "wrong thing" often have good reasons for it. Desolation. Desparation. Pain. These things can drive anyone to do things that are out of character. But mostly we do these things for love...or rather -- to be loved.
Sometimes we find love in unexpected places or in unexpected people and we fight it because it's not necessarily "right" but it just feels right to us. I've learned to be compassionate to the pain people feel in this regard because so many people in this life are hurting -- or have been hurt -- who are we to say anything about them? What gives us the right to even have an opinion?
Ultimately, I believe, we are all seeking the same thing. Isn't that our ultimate quest at some point in our lives? For some people it comes sooner, for others later, but even people who never plan to get married are seeking some sort of validation and gratification, even if it's temporary. There is nothing quite like "feeling" loved by someone. Romantic love is special -- that's for sure. It is so deep and uncontrollable. And more often than not, the vulnerability takes over us. We can't always explain it. Sometimes it's chemical. Sometimes it's emotional. Sometimes it's both or more. And sometimes we're wrong because we are blinded by the good feeling we get. But the bottom line is, love feels good and that's why we are so weak to it.
As I sat there, I tried seeing everyone with different eyes. I envisioned people the way they wanted to be seen; the way they wanted to be treated. And looking around at every person in the room I realized that every single one of them, in one way or another, was after the same thing...love.
So what I'm saying I guess is this. Don't try to understand love. It's probably impossible. It means different things to different people. Everyone has different criteria, things they're looking for, things they can live with and can't live with, things they want and don't want. But when it's fresh and new, it should feel fresh and new. Enjoy it. Relish it. Live the moment and take it for what it's worth. Because it is something special and beautiful to behold and to experience.
These two -- Becky and Marty -- are getting married in one week. I've been married for almost 12 years now and because I got married so young, I never got the full "depth" of the commitment. It's just always been this way for me. But now, seeing it through different eyes (meaning now that I'm in my thirties) , I "appreciate" what love is more than ever. I've seen so many people, love and lose and then love again.
I won't pretend to have answers or even advice for people going through a rough time relationally. But I do want to say one thing...if you love someone...give your love away to them. Give it away freely. Don't hold back because you don't know what will happen tomorrow. Be good to that person. Give all of yourself without losing yourself. Stand up for what's important to you but don't be too proud to do what's important for someone else. Recognize that love brings pain as well as joy. But most of all...cherish the "beginning," because life will get back to normal and it will try to get in the way of what you feel right now.
Seeing people about to get married is awesome on so many levels. There is so much hope in them. Two open hearts giving and loving and wanting the same thing. For some people it changes, unfortunately. They lose each other in the road of life. I pray that never happens to either one of these two...and that they always look at each other, the way they do today because Becky and Marty...
...well...
they just deserve to have a "Happily Ever After."